MANCHESTER (DF) -- Having once again ruled out a sale of the club he purchased in 2005, American billionaire Malcolm Glazer and his clan of Glazer directors are ready to implement a hierarchy at Manchester United that mirrors another high profile, billionaire family-- the one currently in charge of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.
News outlets in the Middle East had reported the Qatar royal family were preparing a formal bid for the Premier League leaders, but the current Manchester United owners came out quickly to dismiss the reports as pure speculation.
"The club is not for sale at any price," declared a Glazer spokesman to media in Tampa, Florida. "Obviously, a top club like United would interest many potential buyers, but we're financially stable and not looking to sell. We're going to keep it in the family."
The Glazers, led by their patriarch Malcolm, took control of Manchester United six years ago in a deal worth nearly $1.5 billion. The transfer of power was met with extreme hostility by United supporters, who raised grave concerns over Glazer's seemingly irrational use of borrowed money to fund his takeover of the club.
"It made very little fiscal sense," claimed financial expert and United fan Avery Alexander. "His actions saddled the club with over £500 million in debt. That would be enough to buy most of the clubs in the Premier League, all at once."
"I think [the Glazers] like the idea of absolute, unquestioned control," continued Dr. Alexander. "They see the way the players respond to [Alex] Ferguson's control and they want that for themselves."
"When the 'green and gold' gangs started showing up last season, they looked at how other controlling family groups had handled uprisings and they liked what they saw coming out of the Middle East. These days, it's like looking in the mirror."
"This series of protests against oppressive regimes didn't start last month in Tunisia-- it started last year in Trafford."
